Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
