Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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