Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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