dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
