don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
