I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
