I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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