I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
