But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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