Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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