saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
