we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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