The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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