So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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