please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
