Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
