Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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