I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
