You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
