Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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