he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She even gives head with a lisp.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
