i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
