I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
