I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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