After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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