She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
