After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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