I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
