I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
