I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
