I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
