Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
