she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
