i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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