If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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