I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
