I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
