At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's no shave November. This is our time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
