I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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