I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
