He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
