remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this hospital has no fireball
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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