i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
