ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want to have your abortion
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
