Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
