im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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