I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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