i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
