I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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