I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
