I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
