Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
