So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
