I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
