I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
