Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
