i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
