Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
