I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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