i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
