What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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