So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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