You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
