Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
