Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
